Do you also often look at these women with admiration, who always come across as totally self-confident and blow everyone away with their charm? They are popular with the boss, with the female colleagues – and the men are at their feet. You can’t even despise them out of envy – they are just too nice. This is not a supernatural gift, not a sympathy gene – anyone can do this with the right moves. Yes, you too – if you read on carefully now.
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1. call a spade a spade
It’s easy to collect the first sympathy points right from the greeting: Address your counterpart – whenever possible – by name, because the name is an important part of their personality. “There is hardly anything we all like to hear as much as our own name. If we are addressed with it, we feel valued”, explains Michael Jagersbacher, behavioral trainer and author of Sympathy code: How to win others over (Goldegg, for 20 euros). Sure, your close friends assume you have their names on it.
But even with them, it makes a difference if you drop the occasional “Thank you, Tina!” With new acquaintances this move is doubly effective. “Many people are so positively impressed by it that they are guaranteed to make an effort to remember your name in return,” says Jagersbacher.
2. openly admit mini weaknesses
Try not to convulsively give the superhipsterol or overperfect. “It intimidates others. And it creates distance instead of sympathy if you just list your successes and your skills,” says the expert. So it’s not wild to mention the totally screwed-up chocolate brownies or the embarrassing weakness for 90s teen bands. No one will condemn you for that – on the contrary.
“To openly mention in a job interview or on a date that you’re nervous, shows greatness and is charming because everyone can understand that,” says author Jagersbacher. Well, you shouldn’t start your Spice Girls crush on the new boss, but you don’t have to hide it from your colleagues any longer. Openness creates trust and closeness here.
10 bad habits, which can even be healthy The biggest secret behind a wow aura is always the satisfaction with yourself © Jacob Lund / Shutterstock.com
3. show genuine interest
Whether in the pub or at a meeting – it always comes across well to ask a lot of questions. Active listening is the key to success. “Don’t focus on yourself, but listen consciously to your conversation partner and show interest”, the expert advises. So: Don’t sit there in silence, but also don’t be the one who keeps on telling thigh-slapping stories without a break. It shows greatness to be able to leave the limelight to others.
“Be convinced of yourself inside, but don’t constantly show it to the outside world. That’s the best way to achieve the best results in terms of gaining sympathy,” says expert Jagersbacher.
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4. ask for small favors
You just ask for a little friendly service and – poof – you climb the popularity scale? Yes, this principle known as the Benjamin Franklin Effect actually works. Already the founding father of the USA had realized: They use it to trick each other’s brains out. It’s stored there that we only do favors for people we think are nice. “If your colleague can help you, she is proud and flattered because you have recognized her abilities,” explains the expert.
Subconsciously, you yourself are classified as a likeable person. Win-win situation!
5. touch once in a while
If you touch others, it will be attractive. Of course, this does not mean an obtrusive touch, but the gentle and unobtrusive variant. If, for example, you touch a person briefly on the upper arm when greeting them, this can leave a positive impression. “A light touch, which the other person only subconsciously perceives, promotes trust among each other and makes you more likeable,” says Jagersbacher.
And it’s not only in your private life that you score points with this move: “If you want to sell something to a customer or a superior, don’t sit opposite them, but right next to them – shoulder to shoulder. This immediately makes a much friendlier impression,” advises the sympathy expert. (Pssst: By the way, this does not miss its effect on men you are interested in either).
Nobody’s perfect. Little weaknesses make us human and therefore also likeable in the eyes of our fellow men © Jacob Lund / Shutterstock.com
6. adapted but authentic
When you talk about your girls, do you just call them “the Gööörls”? Sure, because that’s what everyone in the gang does. “If you get along well, you automatically adapt and take over phrases from each other. This microculture strengthens their trust in each other,” says expert Jagersbacher.
But what usually happens intuitively and automatically in a close circle of friends can also be used quite consciously: For example, if your colleagues’ lunch break is always lunch time, you can use the same term – and thus join the group. However, you should not use it all the time. “If you parrot everything, authenticity is lost and there is a great danger that your strategy will be recognized.”
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7. keep calm in case of conflicts
Nobody likes trouble and strife, of course. Nevertheless, conflicts cannot be completely avoided. But even when arguing you can still cut a good figure. If somebody talks to you angrily, don’t scold back uncontrollably! “Anyone who acts with as much aggression as the other person has already lost,” says Jagersbacher. Instead, consciously breathe in and out three times. This way you can quickly control your feelings again and remain in control.
The absolute icing on the cake: taking one step towards the other. “With statements like ‘Mhm’, ‘Ja’ or ‘Aha’ you show that you take the point of view of the disputant seriously”, the expert advises. You should be just as confident when you initiate a dispute yourself. As long as you always remain objective, no one can really bend you over backwards.
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8. be at peace with oneself
The biggest secret behind a Wow aura is always the satisfaction with yourself. And this can also be trained: We all struggle with ourselves, with our figure or our hairstyle and everyone has a bad day. Try to be nice to yourself anyway. Smile radiantly at yourself and your mistakes. Just remember: hearts are easier to conquer by storm if you have also taken yourself to heart.
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The sympathy miracle is feasible. Of course, sympathy is a very individual thing. But the basic rule is: authenticity beats fake behaviour. If you show your lovable side in a charming, honest and authentic way, you will certainly be perceived as likeable and will find contact more quickly. Our tips can certainly help you with this.