Is Tinder ruining our love life?

Tinder is more popular than ever: Around 2 million Germans have
Dating app installed on their mobile phone, which puts us in 7th place worldwide, the advantages are clear: the matching principle makes it extremely easy for singles to get to know other singles. You get the picture of a potential partner displayed, don’t like it, wipe the profile to the left, find a man hot, wipe to the right.

If the man has also pushed you to the right, there is’s a match, and you can send messages to each other. Great fun – and so practical: You can search for a potential partner while waiting at the checkout in the supermarket. But even though almost everyone has heard of a couple who once met by Tinder & Co. (even apps like Lovoo or Happn work like this), the accusation is growing that there are more unique offers on Tinder than real flirts.

More fun in bed: sex education for advanced students Ruiniert Tinder unser Liebesleben? Men in particular see dating apps as fixed door openers to the bedroom © KIRAYONAK YULIYA / Shutterstock.com

The eternal search for confirmation

The German government has just announced that such dating apps are linked to the growing number of sexually transmitted diseases: According to a government report, the number of syphilis cases more than doubled between 2009 and 2014. The fact that more and more of these dating apps appeared on smartphones during this same period may be a possible cause. After all, men in particular see the app as a fixed door opener to the bedroom – surveys confirm this time and again. Prof.

Wera Aretz from the Fresenius University in Cologne found in her study ‘Match me if you can’ that both men and women often only seek confirmation via the app – but find it in different ways: “While women themselves feel more often confirmed due to the number of matches and dates and therefore benefit more from emotional confirmation, men seem to be more confirmed by the number of sexual contacts.

Sex preferences: What men like in bed Ruiniert Tinder unser Liebesleben? Towing tutorials that explain how men can get women into bed faster via Tinder & Co. are booming on the net © KIRAYONAK YULIYA / Shutterstock.com

Good behaviour is often a minor matter in online mode

Many users make no secret of the fact that they are only interested in a bedtime story – and often get to the point in the first message: “Do you feel like a hot night?” is one of the more harmless direct attacks. In real life, few would dare to start a conversation with such a question. The risk of getting a drink thrown in your face would be pretty high. But online, anonymity and distance are suggested, and that’s a safe bet.

Besides, such a digital rejection doesn’t hurt too much, the next flirt is only a wipe to the right. Quite a few even brag about their Tinder conquests in great detail on the net afterwards.

Tinder towing tutorials are a trend on the net

Video bloggers such as Sebi Heindl from ‘Bewusst glücklich sein’ or Sebastian Voppmann from ‘Premium Life’ give advice on Youtube on how men can get women into bed quickly via Tinder & Co. Sebi Heindls Video ‘With 5 messages about Sex Date’ has already been clicked 69 372 times. And Sebastian Voppmann even sells a flirt message via his website, which users can send by copy & paste.

His promise: “Get sex with the most attractive women immediately with just one Tinder message. Without getting to know each other.” Pangs of conscience about her towing service. Neither of them have. “With our message, women are told from the start that you’re only after sex. So they know immediately what they are getting into”, says Sebastian Voppmann. And Sebi Heindl says: “Everything is becoming more and more non-binding, nobody wants to commit themselves properly.

I believe that women want sex just as much as men, they just don’t show it.”

Intimate exploration: What every woman should know about sex Ruiniert Tinder unser Liebesleben? The best way to protect yourself against rippers and solid posts at Tinder Date: A slow getting to know each other © KIRAYONAK YULIYA / Shutterstock.com

No illusions, but still a silent hope

But is that really true? If you ask around among female users, it becomes clear that many of them have no illusions about Tinder, but hope that they will find a man who is looking for something serious. There is no question that they are there too – they are just not so easy to find. Karola from Munich, for example, has been tindering for a few months now. “In my circle of friends, a few girls have already met a really good guy there – but it just took a while.

That’s why I’m not giving up yet, even though there hasn’t been a potential partner yet. I don’t even react to clumsy hitting on him, but delete the guy from my match list immediately. I even reported one of them once because he was really too cocky.” Steffi from Hamburg, on the other hand, has just disappointedly signed off after a few months: “The guys don’t try very hard.

One feels quickly dispatched and realizes that one is the umpteenth woman to whom he has already written the same tired text. Or that he’s just out for fun, but nothing serious.”

You prefer to flirt offline? The Hot-Spots in the Check

You can’t take the sting operation personally.

More and more women are therefore renouncing Tinder – or are becoming extremely suspicious: Behind every profile they (hastily) sense a ripper. Eric Hegmann, single coach at Parship (eric-hegmann.de), explains: “In practice, most people want love and a trustworthy partner. But this is where the dilemma of such an app becomes apparent: Some people take rejection and non-commitment personally. And then decide, after a few negative experiences, to let the active search be the same.

But that’s also not the way to find the great love. So that it does not come so far, singles should approach the thing, uh, search with the right attitude from the beginning. Everyone who is looking for a serious relationship should see apps like Tinder, Lovoo and Happn as an amusing addition to “serious” dating sites with personality tests and all the pipapo.

Kama Sutra: The 55 hottest positions Ruiniert Tinder unser Liebesleben? Many failed Tinder-Dates have one good thing in the end: They provide topics of conversation at the next party © KIRAYONAK YULIYA / Shutterstock.com

The ripper usually betrays himself

To see how serious the ‘Match’ is, you should definitely exchange messages for a few days before the first meeting. Men who are only after a quick number usually don’t have much stamina when writing. Then you can still decide whether you find him hot enough to imagine a hot night with him – or whether you give up the date and invest the time in finding another dream prince. After all, they’re around at Tinder too – you just have to look for them a little more intensively.

And recognise the ripper signs. With that in mind: Have fun wiping, ladies!

He’ll never forget this blowjob

My worst Tinder experience – 5 women report

Ulrike from Düsseldorf
“He stood at my door in the middle of the night” “Once I had a nice date with a man from Dortmund, whom I got to know through Tinder. A few days later, at three o’clock in the morning, he wrote me a message saying that he was on his way to Düsseldorf. Just for fun, I texted back that he could still come by. Okay, that was a stupid idea. But I didn’t expect the guy to actually ring my doorbell – we had briefly talked about where I live on our date.

I had to get rid of him, but he wouldn’t let up. It was unpleasant.”


Lisa from Munich

“He was actually in a relationship” “The date with the Tinder guy was really nice. Good-looking, charming guy. The reason I went for more was because the chemistry was right and I actually imagined it could work out. How naive. When we met again a few days later, he confessed to me that he was actually involved with someone, but that it wasn’t really going well in bed. He wanted to have an affair without obligation. For me the thing was over. Now I always ask my Tinder-dates from the beginning if they have a girlfriend.”

Anja from Munich

“He wrote me dirty things” “I signed up with Tinder because I hadn’t had a date in a while. I was surprised how direct some men are in their requests. For example, Thomas, 25 and really handsome. In his photos he seemed totally harmless. After we exchanged a few messages, we became friends on Facebook. Then he asked me directly if I was open for ‘anal sex, toys, threesomes …’. First I was shocked, then I took it with humor. I think that’s what you have to expect with such an app.”


Karina from Cologne

“During our date he checked out other women” “I’ve had plenty of dates through Tinder. Some were nice, some less. Once I met a man who kept fiddling with his smartphone during our date. I was confused. How rude! When he disappeared to the toilet and I more or less accidentally caught a glimpse of his phone, I saw parallel messages about Tinder fluttering in. He was checking out other women at the same time, probably afraid of missing something. A man like that will never commit to one woman.”

Steffi from Hamburg

“My girlfriend and I dated the same guy”
“That’s just what can happen to you at Tinder’s: My good friend Anika was also looking for a partner via Tinder, we exchanged regularly about our new matches. When I told her about a guy who wrote nicely and whom I wanted to meet, it turned out that he also wrote her and wanted to meet her. That was’s for me – especially since he had written us almost literally the same thing.”