There are few conversations more exciting than those in the first months of a love relationship. This listening to each other and sniffing each other out, this complete re-acquaintance with a person who already seems so wonderful and great that you want to kiss him all the time. Which of course you should do!
However, if this phase of getting to know each other is to be not only exciting but also a little bit goal-oriented, it is advisable to include important questions at one point or another. Of course, never all of them at once like a catalogue, and if possible always when they fit the topic. This should not look like an interview or interrogation. Anyway, these 5 questions can provide important answers.
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First, “Can you iron?”
It’s a proxy question, but not a bad one. Ultimately, of course, it is a question of the large household as a whole, that is, whether it is able to survive on its own without a nurse. Whether he has the basic skills to cook, clean, wash and yes: to iron.
Why iron? Well, even men who have been taking out the garbage, cooking and helping to dry for years have a tendency, if there is a shirt in their cupboard, to have it ironed by a woman. This is a little bit the last bastion of the traditional household role distribution. But, of course, all the other tasks are just as important – it’s just a matter of getting the conversation going somehow.
What his answer tells you: A “yes” is of course super – if he is otherwise a nice guy. But he can also be a bastard, just someone who can iron. A no to this question is not a setback. Even if he does not iron, he can of course be a great partner. Then he must learn to iron or wear creased shirts.
You can tell him that right now. The important thing is that he doesn’t find the conversation about it immediately annoying or ridiculous. If he replies to this question with such a grumpy laugh and asks: “Ironing? Right here? You’re going for it. That’s helpful too. If someone makes such stupid ambiguous remarks, you can sort him out right away.
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Two. “What do you make?”
It’s not what it looks like. It’s like you’re some poor bastard looking for a sugar daddy. But it’s about something very different than SEIN Money for two is enough. It’s about the opposite. It’s about whether ER stands it, if DEIN Money for two is enough.
There are men who have a problem with their wife earning more than they do. They are so deep into old role clichés that it hurts them physically when their women are more successful in their jobs than they are. You should find out as quickly as possible whether you are dealing with someone like this – and then get rid of them quickly. Such an attitude is not only stupid, it certainly does not lead to him promoting your professional advancement or accompanying it with goodwill.
An easy way to do this is this “Tell me yours, I’ll tell you mine”.
What his answer tells you: In this case it is not about the concrete number. Even if he doesn’t want to tell you his salary, the interview will show how he feels about your salary expectations and goals. Is it cool for him if you exceed him – great. If not – not so great. If he sees you more at the stove, he’ll see you leave.
Three. “Can we do it differently?”
Yes, exactly: it’s about sex. One, if not the most important prerequisite for a functioning sex life is a fairly open communication about exactly that. You can call any sex therapy practice, they all say the same thing: In a partnership both have to talk about their sexual desires. But that means: you too.
Well, stop asking what he wants. Tell him clearly what he wants. DU want. But preferably not in a commanding tone (although there are some guys who would love that), but in the form of this harmless question.
What his answer tells you: If he’s open-minded – great. A categorical no to this question is a good reason to give him a book about the most popular masturbation techniques of the man. As a farewell gift.
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Four. “Would you consider working part-time?”
In previous articles on the subject, the question might have been, “Would you ever want kids?” But for many – especially in the early stages of a relationship – this is too direct and emotionally too heavy.
This question model here is more light-footed, seems to move on a completely different terrain – and yet it aims right at the heart of the social debate about men, women and families. If you are a woman who wants to work and have children, you need a man who fully supports this. And – as many statistics show – this support cannot and must not be only moral and financial.
He has to be involved in the family work so that you don’t have to completely neglect your career when the child is there. And not only during parental leave (that too), but in everyday life. It must at least be conceivable that he will take a shorter break from his full-time job for a certain period of time, so that you can keep up with him in your working life.
What his answer tells you: A no on this question is not an end to the relationship – but it does make quite clear what your life as a mother can look like when you have children with him. Now the question for you is: Do you want this?
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5. “What does fidelity mean to you?”
Almost all lovers want loyalty from their partner. The general rule is that he or she should be faithful. But what does that mean exactly? It seems so simple. It’s so quickly said, so quickly understood. But it is also often understood quite differently.
In times of “Friends with Benefits” and polyamory, the views on what is cheating and what is okay are very different, the transitions are fluid. Some people don’t mind an anonymous one-night-stand, others consider even a kiss on the cheek to be treason, yet others can watch their own partners having sex with strangers but feel cheated when they chat with someone on Facebook behind their back.
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Of course, you can find out all this in a long-term practical test – but then, unfortunately, injuries are hardly avoidable. So it is much easier to talk about it honestly. What hurts you? What is okay for you? What do we have to talk about, what would you rather not know anything about? What’s not okay? It’s not the most romantic topic of all – but it’s good for romance later.
What his answer tells you: All is well that is open and honest. It is your business whether you can live with it – conversely it is his, whether he can cope with your ideas. If he refuses to answer this question, he may have no claims. Or very high ones. In any case, it’s suspicious. Better ask again. And again.
You should check that before you get into a partnership.
Of course there are always compromises. A relationship is a matter of negotiation. No matter what he says, no answer to any of these questions will make it necessary for you to get up and leave immediately. (If you do, please tell us about it!!!) Besides, some people might need time to think through all the consequences of these questions. In the end, it’s all about thinking about a future together. And there answers to these questions can only be helpful.