Do you actually know what season we live in? From a purely partnership point of view? No, nothing about Christmas. It’s “Cuffing Season”! Never heard of it? In German it means US -American term such as: “Time for firm commitment” ( to cuff somebody = handcuff him). Meaning: When it gets darker and colder outside, the longing for a steady partner increases for singles. There should be an end to alternating one-night stands, stability is needed!
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There are even studies that confirm this phenomenon. One in Journal of Consumer Research published study suggests that physical cold (i.e. winter temperatures), a longing also for psychological warmth, which increases the consumption of romantic movies or books in winter. Dark wintertime + temperatures below 5 degrees = increased demand for couple mode, couch cuddling and series sessions. And something warm in bed can’t hurt either.
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It’s just a shame that the chic Boys of Summer have long since said goodbye and there’s hardly any supplies in sight except for a few schnapps bobble hats at the mulled wine stand. Perhaps this unfortunate mix of growing desperation and lack of supply explains why, especially in winter, many of them get involved in relationships that they would never have thought possible even as a one-night stand in the sunlight. Or as elevator fun.
In short: We are worried that someone like that will end up on your couch:
Of course, there is nothing fundamentally wrong with stocking up on a warming Jack of Hearts for the winter. However, you should consider these 5 points when flirting in winter:
1. don’t let yourself be controlled only by the (cuddling) urge!
Cuddling and getting warm in the cold are honourable motives. But do they really justify entering into an intimate relationship with a person you want to have on your sofa occasionally, but not really in your life? If you are honest, the desire for cuddling and body warmth is at least as superficial as the desire for sex, maybe even more superficial. Think about it: during sex you don’t even watch TV (hopefully).
So check carefully whether you have relationship material in front of your nose or just a hot-water bottle substitute with pulse, penis and school leaving certificate. Can the two of you work even remotely theoretically if it doesn’t freeze at night?
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If not, you’d better get a giant teddy bear and a warmer blanket. Because if the bear is alive and still doesn’t contribute more to conversation than its plush counterpart, if it doesn’t deliver anything except TV on and warming the couch, you don’t want it in the house for all its cuddliness! It is only stuck on your sofa.
2. do not sell yourself short!
Of course, even in wintry weather there is a chance that you will land a really hot bull’s eye. The whole movie Actual… Love is full of stories just like that. But that only works if you don’t let the otherwise valid principles of partner selection fall by the wayside, despite cuddly longing and cold feet. If we may briefly remind you of these principles:
- Don’t get into a relationship just because you’ve been making out with someone drunk – this also and especially applies when you’re sinking at the mulled wine stand or in the pub! Wake up next to someone like that, send them home without breakfast!
- Don’t go all family on me just because he happens to like the same shows as you. Just remember. ALLE like “Game of Thrones”, almost JEDER likes to watch “Friends” and SOGAR a lot of men like Downton Abbey! Those are not grounds for marriage.
- Don’t get all upset. WG just because he happens to be alone on his couch at the same time that you are on yours.
- It must be possible to do more together than sex, eating together and watching television, for example, a useful conversation more often. If you cannot imagine taking the man to your parents’ house or to a meeting with your friends (or if you do, but ask them not to do so in the future), you should DRINGEND …think about giving the blanket and the teddy bear a try.
3. be mercilessly considerate of his feelings!
I beg your pardon? Yeah, right. This is gonna sound ludicrous. First you’re told to cold-shoe an unsuitable candidate if you don’t like him, and now you’re supposed to show consideration for him of all people? Yes. There’s no contradiction. It’s more honest and fair to kick him out after a glowing-wine drenched slip than to pretend to have a relationship with him for a winter – and then tell him in the spring that he was never your type anyway.
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The latter is not only heartless, but also not very credible. The less he will understand it, the harder he will probably take it. And quite honestly: you don’t want to hear a howling winter bear whining on your mailbox for weeks on end or sitting outside your door. So speak plain language as early as possible, so that he doesn’t even get the idea that this is love in the first place.
4. think the thing from the end as well!
Anyway: Break up. Who needs that? It’s not only sad, but can be quite annoying. If the person in question has never really meant anything to you, you definitely don’t feel like it.
Just consider the possibility that in the end it is not done with a WhatsApp. That he won’t be turned away after a personal call. All the hassle and discussion that may be coming up in the spring when the Boys of Spring hop around the parks, cafes and clubs! Do you really want to put yourself through this for a set of warm feet in winter?
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5. Just be honest for once!
The problem with this whole cuffing thing is ultimately the lack of honesty. Of course you are. basically about a relationship. But actually and for the time being, you don’t want to freeze, watch TV alone or lie in bed alone when the snowstorm is raging outside. You want someone to cuddle up to – and maybe a little more.
Therefore the question: Why don’t you just tell him that? Just like that? Then he can decide for himself whether he wants to get involved in such a somewhat different “friends with benefits” number. Maybe he feels the same way, and he just doesn’t want to spend the winter alone.
Okay, of course it stings a bit when he openly admits that you are no more his dream woman than he is your dream man. But if you curl up on the sofa together and press “Play” on Netflix, the sting disappears very quickly and gives way to a warm, soft winter feeling.
A winter flirtation can be the perfect solution to get through the gloomy cold season in a warm community of convenience. The more honest you are with yourself and the man of your winter dreams, the better. Play with open cards and enjoy the warmth!